A Swanzy Christmas: PART I

As promised, this is the first installment of the three-part "A Swanzy Christmas" blog post. Much like a serialized novel by Dickens, the story of Christmas 2010 was just too bizarre, too exciting, and too wonderful to be confined to one measly entry.

Therefore, without furthur adeiu, here begins "A Swanzy Christmas: Part I," also known as "A Cornhole Christmas." What is a cornhole? you may ask. A cornhole is a popular game often played at football tailgates or backyard barbecues. There are two inclined boards with a hole in the middle near the top. They are to be placed 21 feet apart. The players of cornhole, four in all, are to throw bean bags into the hole. Doing so accumulates points; the first team to 21 points wins the game. This game is so simple, yet the cornhole craze seems to be sweeping across America.

I am in no way saying that cornhole mania originated with my family. However, to hear my dad (Mark) talk about it, you would think he invented the game itself. Mark's obsession with cornhole began at a tailgate party in Tuscaloosa. Mark loved playing this new, exhilarating, and highly addictive game. He claims people from surrounding tailgates were flocking towards them and were begging to participate in cornhole (He has the tendency to exaggerate however). As he continued throwing the corn sacks / bean bags, he thought to himself: "These would make great Christmas presents!" Now, it's true; cornholes do make wonderful gifts. But, here's where Mark got a little out of control. He ordered 10 cornholes from some Internet site. In the words of my mother (Debra), "Mark never does anything in moderation." He ordered cornholes for all of the managers at Xante, for most of our immediate and extended family members, and for some of his closest friends. In short, Mark went cornhole crazy. I cannot speak for the rest of the country, but Mark is the epicenter from which cornhole mania in Mobile, Alabama, radiates.

Cornhole boards are pretty large, about 2 1/2 feet by 4 feet. He had 10 games (20 boards) shipped to our house. They happened to arrive on the day of my mom's Christmas Bunco (a.k.a. church gambling) festivities. The UPS delivery man stacked them one on top of the other in front of the front door to their house; no one could get in for all the cornholes. She was furious and demanded that the cornholes be relocated immediately. Therefore, Mark and Hunter had to transfer all of the cornholes to the garage, which made parking impossible. The next day after Bunco, Mark had to wrap all of the cornholes using paper made from California Redwood Trees because that is the only paper wide enough to sufficiently wrap cornholes. Since distributing the cornholes to all of the designated recipients, Mark has had phone call after phone call and text message after text message from people raving about how much they love their cornholes. Some have even invented new ways of cornholing. Apparently, a cornhole is the gift that keeps on giving (even more so than a "jelly of the month club" membership).

As far as cornhole pertains to my immediate family, it was an enormous success. I cannot count the number of cornhole tournaments played over this 2010 holiday season. In fact, Hunter dubbed this year's Swanzy holiday festivities as "A Cornhole Christmas," so I borrowed the title of this blog from him. On December 24th, our family met at the Kennedy's beach house on Dauphin Island for our annual Christmas Eve gathering. Normally, there is a whole lot of eating and fellowshipping; but this year, it was all about the cornholing (about 6 hours worth of it). We had some newcomers at our Christmas Eve bash. When asked, "Do you like to cornhole? or Would you like to cornhole?" the newcomers responded with looks of disgust, wariness, and surprise. "What is a cornhole?" they would ask in return. So, we took them out back and showed them. It's no surprise that they caught cornhole fever as well.

Just a little side note: The word "cornhole" is sometimes misconstrued as something naughty even though its merely an innocent, family-friendly game. Therefore, it's best to clarify what you mean when you say, for example, "Let's go cornhole!" Also, only use cornhole in its verb form (i.e., cornholing) with close friends, family members, and those familiar with the sport; because it too can sound a bit racy. Other than that, HAPPY CORNHOLING!

- W:)