Musings of a SAHM: Understanding My Value

Yesterday, I had a major breakthrough. It happened in the simplest of moments, but it happened.

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My husband had prayed long before he ever met me that God would provide for him professionally and financially so that one day, he could support his family and let his wife stay at home with their children. God answered that prayer, and I am thankful every day for my husband's heart and God's provision for our family. I'm a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) to Charlie, 2 years old, and James Tyler, 1 year old, an occupation as challenging as it is rewarding. 

Being a SAHM was something I had always dreamed of, but a few years ago when my dream was about to become reality, I wasn't sure I could really do it. After all, I loved being a high school English teacher, and I was really good at my job. I had great co-workers, an awesome classroom, and taught on a wonderful campus. I enjoyed the relationships I had made with parents and students. And I just couldn't seem to shake the feeling that I would soon regret my decision to leave the workforce and exclusively raise my children in my home. I was downright scared. 

But, thank God, He sends us encouragement when we need it. For me, he sent it through a conversation I had with one of the senior girls I was teaching at the time. I was packing up to leave one afternoon and had about a week or so until B-Day (baby day), but she asked if I could talk to her for a minute and give her some advice about starting a relationship with her estranged father who had recently contacted her. (Not the kid of conversation I had anticipated, but ok.) We talked for a while, then she asked me about my excitement about becoming a first-time mom and about whether or not I would return to teach. I expressed my doubts about SAHM life, and she stunned me with her answer: "I would give anything for my mom to have been able to stay at home with me. You should definitely stay home with your baby boy. That seems like the most important thing to me." Turns out I'm the one who needed to hear some good advice and receive some words of affirmation. Message received, God. That moment removed my doubt, gave me peace, and helped prepare my heart for the new season of life about to unfold. 

Stay-at-home moms, I'm writing this for you, to send some specific encouragement your way. So, thankfully, I don't need to elaborate on all the nitty gritty details of raising babies or just how hard full-time mommy-ing is. If you're a SAHM, then you're living the life right now; you're in the thick of it. You may not even get to finish reading this post because someone is stinky, something got broken, or everything is so eerily quiet that you are now in a blind panic.

Working moms, in no way does this post intend to demean what you do on a daily basis. You are your own brand of awesome. 

So, around the time my first baby boy was 9 months old, I started to entertain thoughts of possibly going back to work. Ironically, the day my boss called to see if I would be interested in coming back to teach was the day after receiving another positive pregnancy test. Yay (oh no?!) another baby. Those symbols on that stick were my affirmative answer: SAHM life it is. 

And what a life! There are no words to adequately describe the joy I experience on a daily basis being able to watch my boys grow, learn new things, and form bonds with each other. I love to laugh with them, read to them, go on adventures with them, and play with them. I get the privilege of investing in their lives daily, and I am so grateful to my husband, J.T., for seeing the value in what I do and for recognizing the importance me staying home in an effort to better shape the lives of our children while I still can. 

But...

I am sometimes insecure about what I do. When people ask what I do for a living, I sometimes wish I could give them some impressive job title. There are many times I feel guilty for not monetarily contributing to the running of our household and helping to ease the financial burden that J.T. has to shoulder by himself. When I get emails about a looming student loan payment, I wonder if all the time, work, and money I put into college and graduate school was all a big, fat waste. As bad as I hate to admit it, these things do cross my mind. I do feel the pressure of "being somebody" and doing "great" things, especially living in our current culture, where women are being pressured to think that a high-powered career with the paycheck to match is proof of their worth to society. I have to remind myself that my time with them is far more valuable right now than extra income. 

And that brings up a good question: Are SAHMs contributing members of society? 

Our president doesn't think so, but I do. And hear's why. Remember, I had a breakthrough. 

Yesterday, I was doing absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, something rather mundane that happens at least 3 days out of the week: laundry. Charlie was reading Christmas books to our Maw Maw who had stopped by to bring me the new Holiday edition of Starbucks' Flat White (and it was delicious...red cup and all). I had folded and sorted and arranged my boys' clothes in their respective piles. Everything was ready to be put away. Then Charlie (my 2 year old) says to me, "Mama, let me put my clothes in my room." So, this precious little boy starts gathering the sorted piles one by one - pajamas, underwear, t-shirts - and taking them back to his room. Finally, we followed him in there to see what kind of mess he had made of all the freshly laundered clothing. I suspected it would be in a gigantic pile and was fully prepared to repeat all of the work I had done. Come to find out, that wouldn't be necessary. He had put everything in its proper place. We asked him, "Charlie, where did you put all your pajamas?" "In the jama basket." We asked, "Where did you put your underwear?" "In the underwear bin." "Well, where are all your t-shirts?," we asked. "In the closet with all the other t-shirts." I. Kid. You. Not. And even though we saw it happen with our own eyes, it was still a little hard to believe that a child that young had done something like that. 

Here's the epiphany I experienced on laundry day...

SAHMs, our kids are watching us. Our job(s) matters. We don't have the luxury of working alone in our office or cubicle for a few hours. No, we are under constant surveillance 12-14 hours every day (assuming your children actually sleep). What we do, our children do. Yesterday, I learned that Charlie and James Tyler are watching my every move, listening to everything I say, and they are being shaped by these observations. It's made me wonder if I am someone worth emulating. Do I want my children to be like me? Today, the answer is yes. But that's not always the case. 

Today I'm happy that after a few years of watching me love him through daily acts of service, he wanted to return the favor. Instead of watching me through apathetic eyes while I worked for his welfare, he came beside me and helped me finish the job. Without me asking, he became a contributor to our household and I saw a glimpse of a servant's heart in the making. In this moment, all I could do was smile and be grateful of the evidence that my husband's and my own sacrifices have been worth it.

As a SAHM, I am contributing to society. My contribution is raising boys who are givers and not merely takers. I want them to be young men who are assertive, not leaving the work for someone else to do or problems for other people to solve. I hope they understand that to earn something they must first work for it, and when they do earn it, they find satisfaction in a job well done. Sure, Charlie putting up his laundry is, in the grand scheme of things, a small thing; but he's learning. He's realizing that a tidy home, a cooked meal, and clean clothes don't magically happen. These things are done by hands that love and cherish and long to care for him. Each action is a gesture that communicates, "I love you." I want my children to see me loving them in these ways each day with a smile on my face and joy in my heart. I want this to trickle down and impact them deeply; I want them to see Jesus - the humble, compassionate, servant - in me. And Lord-willing, I'll be able to send my children out into this world as young men who will make it better because they are in it, and because they have chosen to be like Jesus too. 

But, I can't come close to taking all the credit. Our boys have an excellent example in their father who is the most hard-working person I know. He doesn't rest until all the work is done. He is a helper, a do-er, a fixer, and the farthest thing from lazy or selfish I've ever experienced. But he's like this because Jesus set this same example for us, and J.T. tries His best to show Jesus to our children, especially in the ways he serves and honors me. Nothing has pointed me to Jesus more than my relationship with J.T. and the responsibility of raising our boys. I pray that I point them right back to Him who has blessed us far more than we deserve.

So SAHMs, take heart, you may feel that your acts of service are going unnoticed by your children, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Every bath given, every diaper changed, every dinner prepared, every load of laundry completed, every cut bandaged, every floor vacuumed, every toy picked up, etc. are all opportunities for your children to see, feel, and experience that they are loved by you (no matter how young). Each is an opportunity for them to learn how to show love and appreciation to others. And, when they are truly loved, they will be filled up and their love will spill over into actions of gratitude performed by thankful hands. After all, "We love because He first loved us" (John 4:19). 

I want to leave you with this beautiful observation about motherhood (see image below). Hopefully this encourages all moms to keep fighting the good fight and serving our families in actions both large and small. Our children are looking to us to learn how to act, behave in society, treat others, work, and serve. They won't learn to be and do "good" on their own (we are all born sinners, Psalm 51:5); they have to be taught and by godly examples. God has given us the privilege as parents of raising His children. May we treasure this responsibility knowing its only ours for a little while.

My husband had this quote framed for me this past Mother's Day.