Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

Last May, when I moved out to the Ross Bridge community in Hoover with my husband, the first thing I noticed was that hardly any of the homes in each of the sprawling neighborhoods had a fence built around it. "This is odd," I thought to myself. I asked my husband what he thought about the idea of a fenceless house, and he responded with "Why would anyone want a fence around their house?" Well, I told him why. "Fences create privacy," I said. "Why do you need privacy; what are you trying to hide?" he fired back. Apparently he and the other residents of Ross Bridge find fences to be ridiculous. I am not on board with the "No Fences" policy, and there on the spot I answered him with a quickly compiled verbal list of reasons why fences are in fact necessary structures for any residential dwelling.

Fences create privacy which turns your backyard into a personal haven free from the prying, judgmental eyes of neighbors whose homes were built entirely too close to yours in the first place. (I mean, if they really want to see into your yard they can either take a peek from a second story window in their house or hire a helicopter to hover over it.) Fences create a safe environment in which your kids can play without you having to worry about them running into the street or being watched by the friendly (although extremely creepy), neighborhood pedophile. Fences also hide the fact that you haven't done yard work at all during football season which has resulted in your yard resembling the Amazon rainforest. A fence can also allow you to sunbathe in peace; you can relax beside the pool without having to worry if your neighbor is taking unflattering bikini pictures of you and your cellulite to post on facebook. In my humble opinion, these reasons are good enough; but I have left off the most important reason for building a fence. A fence is for keeping in a dog(s) (or any other pet that can get out and wreak havoc throughout the neighborhood).

Yes, fences were meant to contain things, and in a neighborhood, the "things" are dogs. "What has brought on this little rant about fences?" you may ask. Well, read on, and you shall surely find out. If nothing else, I will be thorough.

Not three hours ago, I got off of work. I'm training for a half marathon, so naturally, I come home and run almost every day. I also have a dog (a pit bull named Moose) who joins me on every run; he's my running buddy. Today, I only had to run three miles. "This is going to be quick and easy," I thought to myself. Not so much. One and a half miles into my run, I arrived in the neighborhood of Chalybe (also located in the Ross Bridge community). Chalybe is usually a nice, quiet neighborhood. However, there are always exceptions, and tonight was one of those. So, like I was saying...about 1.5 miles into my run, Moose and I are accosted by a black lab that came out of nowhere. The dog began to chase us, growl at the pair of us, and attempt to bite Moose. It was quite a scary situation. I stood between the snarling dog and Moose. "Go home! Get away!" I yelled at the dog. But, he just kept coming at us, and every time he got close I would kick at him. Then, I see it, a rolled up newspaper left on the sidewalk. The dog lunges at me and Moose again, so I throw the newspaper at it and hit it in the head. This stuns and distracts the dog long enough for us to get away. Finally!

However, not even a quarter of a mile later, Moose and I are chased by another dog! I was still shaken up from my previous dog encounter, so I began yelling at this dog. From the tone of my voice, I guess he/she/it knew I meant business. The dog darted off in the opposite direction, thank goodness.

By the way, during the entire "black lab" incident, I am screaming at the top of my lungs on a street where every light in every window is turned on. People were home. I am 100% certain they could hear me screaming. And yet, no one bothered to come outside to see if I was all right. I learned a valuable lesson: If I am ever hit and injured by a car or being mugged/molested in the middle of that neighborhood, I won't bother calling out for help. The people of Chalybe won't come to my rescue; they'll just leave me to fend for myself out in the street. Oh, and if you are reading this, live in Chalybe, and own a black lab, you are probably wondering: "I wonder if it was my dog that attacked that poor, defenseless runner and her innocent pit bull Moose?" I wouldn't worry if I were you. It's highly likely that it was one of the black labs owned by almost every other member of your neighborhood. Seriously, how do you tell them apart? They all look alike.

Obviously, I'm upset. I was legitimately afraid. And, while I'm not going to call anyone stupid, I may use the phrase or describe people as "temporarily unintelligent." It's common sense people; if you own a dog (friendly or not), don't let them run free. Put them behind a fence for their safety and for the safety of others. I get it. Some of you may find fences restricting and unattractive. Okay, so get an "invisible fence." While a great suggestion, these fences make me a little nervous. Every time I run by a house and a dog races toward me barking and growling, I say a quick prayer: "Dear Lord, please let these people who own this evil demon dog have an invisible fence." Sure enough, a few seconds later the demon dog lets out a little whelp and is stopped in his tracks. Aha! Inventors of the invisible fence, I thank you. I just wish people would put a sign in their yard that says, "Dog contained by invisible fence"; so I wouldn't have to almost pee in my pants and get my heart rate up for no reason.

Okay, so you're cheap and lazy and don't want to have a fence built. On the other hand, maybe you aren't cheap and lazy. Maybe you have an inside dog and don't see the need for a fence. What is the solution for you guys? Well, it's a little thing called a leash, and it will cost you anywhere from $10 to $20 at your local Pet Smart. Go buy one...today.

What if you own a leash and the reason your angry black lab was roaming the neighborhood unsupervised is that you let him out to use the restroom? Use the leash that you own; attach it to said dog; and walk him around until he does his business. "But, it's cold outside," you may complain. "I let my dog out on his own so that I don't have to go out in the cold," you may add. To you, I would respond, "It's called a jacket, specifically a NorthFace jacket; put it on so that you can go outside without getting too cold." And please don't tell me you don't have a Northface jacket, because I won't believe you. Anyone who owns a black lab must also possess a NorthFace jacket. I would also like to point out that you wouldn't have to go out and brave the elements if you had a fenced in yard.

I end possibly the world's longest blog post with a quote from an American poet of some renown. With all this talk about fences, you may have come to believe that I am somewhat crazy. It's not so. But, if you won't take my advice, then perhaps you will take the advice of Robert Frost when he says that...

"Good fences make good neighbors."